Checked Out: Clueless Doctors And Others

Photo from Pinterest

Recently it was advised I have minor outpatient surgery to correct a medical problem. As I sat in the operating room, the surgeon entered scowling. He did not acknowledge me or greet me. I wondered what was going on, if maybe he might be under the influence. To compound my doubts, he literally looked like a homeless person. His disheveled hair and ridiculously wrinkled clothes looked as if he had just been dragged out of bed. I stared in silent disbelief for about 7 seconds before saying “I would never let someone who looks like you cut into me,” and I walked out. I then arranged for a different surgeon even though he was located 200 miles away and I would be responsible for all travel expenses including airfare.

I am my own best advocate, and you should be too. 

Recently also, dressed for a workout afterward, I went to have my stitches removed. The overweight medical tech who took my vitals asked a number of health related questions, including “Do you engage in any exercise?” I replied, “Are you kidding me?” inferring, but not saying out loud, "Are you blind, lady?" The clueless idiot just sat there not concluding that literally no one my age - or even those younger - who she encounters day afterday in her job looks more fit than I do.

Some years ago when living in Los Angeles my primary care physician resigned and I interviewed a new one whose medical office was in the heart of West Hollywood, a town where the number of gym bodies is almost unequaled anywhere else in the world. On my first and only visit, sitting there in my tank top, muscles rippling and having a 7% body fat reading at that time, this moron looked at me with disdain and informed me I was 15 lbs. overweight. I laughed, thinking he was making a joke, but he was serious. “I’m concerned,” he said with fake concern. “According to the chart, a man your height should weigh no more than 170 lbs. You weigh 185. You’re going to have to go on a diet.”  I responded “‘The Chart?’ You’re going by some ‘chart’? Bye-bye.” I walked out. Not too long after I was told he had been diagnosed as bipolar and was under investigation by the California State Medical Board for a history of improprieties.

I keep on top of my health and fitness. I am not at all reticent about seeing a doctor, and I take advantage of every perk my health insurance offers. In the last two years I have encountered about 20 doctors and related medical staff: ophthalmologists, dermatologists, primary care, MRI techs, etc. I see what’s sitting out there in the waiting rooms, people of all ages, most in lousy physical shape, and not one, even people in their 20s, coming anywhere near my level of fitness. Yet of the 20 medical pros who I engaged with, only one ever made any comment as to my exceptional physical condition. One would think that of all people, doctors and medical staff would be most aware of the difference between people like me who do what doctors advise, and the majority who are non-compliant and uncaring of themselves, and that might make some positive reinforcement reference to that. Nope.

This is not a case of me seeking compliments or  acknowledgement for doing the right thing, but rather interpreting their non-reaction as a troubling lack of basic awareness on the part of these so-called "health professionals."

What this tells me is that most people are disconnected from their own bodies, not to mention those of others. They are as unaware as they are uncaring. While a minor segment of the population might fixate on Instagram fitness models and movie stars’ transformations, in truth the majority of people are totally disengaged and checked out. This should be obvious by visiting any Wal-Mart store. I don’t think this is due to denial of their terrible condition, as they don’t seem at all aware that they are in terrible condition fitness-wise, or of their obvious diminishing looks and strength, their increasing disabilities, aches and pains and all the rest.

Old people—especially those who are undeniably going downhill fast—have the bizarre ability to convince themselves that somehow everything will turn out just fine without their having to do what is obviously required to bring about that end.

For Best Results, Slow Down Those Reps

If you go to the gym you’ve seen certain people, even well-built people, performing their exercises as if they’re on speed. Often I see people on gym machines going at it as if it were some ride at Disneyland, zooming along, creating momentum to aid them, rather than utilizing the machine as it was designed to be utilized.

“Slow and steady wins the race,” it is said.

Part of the reason for their speed is just to get it over with. Some find working out so uncomfortable that their goal is to get to the 10th rep as fast as possible so they can stop. Is it more uncomfortable to perform your exercises slowly and deliberately than the opposite? YES.

In order to make progress at the gym, or swimming lengths, or running, or crossfit, you have to make peace with being uncomfortable.

Only a challenging workout, no matter what form it takes, one that requires us continually besting ourselves, provides results. Try slowing down your favorite exercises first, intentionally creating and feeling an increased level of resistance usung your “normal” weight. By doing so you are strengthening the mind-muscle connection essential for optimum progress and results.

Many people work out mindlessly. Leave the headphones at home and bring earplugs if you’re bothered by gym noise or the music they play. Thoroughly concentrate on each and every angle in each rep of each set. Yes, it’s hard. It’s uncomfortable. That’s what “challenging” means, for only a challenging workout is what will provide the results you’re seeking.

This Sad Sack Blames Working Out For Shitting Himself — Twice.

VICE has provided writer Graham Isador with a platform to complain about how his quest for 6 pack abs has ruined his life. The title alone is an eye-roller (Jeez-must we? Again?) but the content is an exercise in public self-humiliation by this poor schlub. His intent is, it seems, to go about doing everything the wrong way, from his original incentive to his overall attitude during and after his terrible ordeal.

The essay does make an interesting read however for the window it affords on a dysfunctional, clueless, self absorbed individual whose ignorance on the basic workings of his own body are appalling.

Nowhere in his essay does he mention having any health goal in his procuring a trainer and pursuing a fitness routine. By his admission it is all drudgery that takes a tragic toll on his personal relationships since he can’t eat / drink whatever he wants to whenever he goes out with friends. Also, he blames working out for shitting himself. Twice.

He expresses no interest in becoming a stronger man physically, of increasing lean muscle mass so that his immune system is enhanced and his metabolism increased. He mentions no improvement in his social interactions or his new attractiveness and the positive way others view and relate to him. The essay is all one big whiny Jerry Seinfeld/Woody Allen complaint-fest with no benefits achieved whatsoever.

Like so many idiots, his original impetus was movie stars like former schlub Chris Pratt and their body transformations which he somehow took personally to the extent that he decided he likewise must achieve six pack abs — not health, not increased stamina, sexually and otherwise, not improved balance, posture, enhanced feelings of well being, or any of the dozen or more immediate positive effects one derives from actually caring for the one and only body they will ever inhabit.

It is confounding how someone can stand up in public like this an reveal the extent of their embarrassing ignorance of things health and fitness.  But really VICE, what is the point of this messy essay? To demonize fitness? To justify stupidity, laziness and ridiculous expectations? To claim that foolish boys are so made to feel bad about themselves by the mere viewing photos of movie stars that they torture themselves mentally and physically in order to seek an attractive physique, and then go about it all wrong?

Your guess is as good as mine.

NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION #4: $20 For An At-Home Gym?

For those too self-conscious or unable to afford a gym membership, Fitness Bands are a life saver, literally. For years I mistakenly dismissed the effectiveness of Fitness Bands, also known as Resistance Bands. I thought they were silly—that is, until last year when a youtube video by a fellow trainer I respected demonstrated how challenging they could be even for the most advanced fitness advocates. Since then I have used them to great effect. Resistance Bands are awesome! All you need is 20 bucks, a door that shuts securely, and some room to move, and there you’ll have your COMPLETE at-home gym—whether you are a total novice or a hardcore gym addict.

YouTube has revolutionized fitness due to the enormous variety of exercise videos, all available 24/7 and for FREE. A set of Resistance Bands costs about $20 on Amazon. I cannot recommend any one particular brand, but rather I suggest you use the customers’ reviews as a guide.

All sorts of fitness/resistance band instruction can be had, for free, via Youtube by typing “Resistance Band Workout” and other similar phrases into the search field.

If Your Workout Bores You It’s Because Your Mind Is Somewhere Else.

People at the gym engage in every sort of Smartphone distraction—voice calls, Facebook, their playlist— then tend to bitch about their lack of progress, you know, like people eating everything in sight and then complaining they’re not losing weight. As I make my way around the gym I occasionally glance at what the Screen Zombies are being sidetracked by, and tellingly, it is NEVER a youtube video instructing them how to correctly perform an exercise. And their form, predictably, is always crap.

People not only gab between sets, but they gab during sets. If you’re doing your set properly, with proper form and full intensity, you’ll be fighting a blackout during the set and struggling for breath between sets—you won't be physically capable of gabbing to your phone buddies or gym friends. You’ll be spent and dizzy as you struggle to complete rep number ten, then you’ll need a full minute or more to recover, feeling a bit sick for the duration, before you can tackle the next. That’s what working out productively feels like. Otherwise you’re just going through the motions, phoning it in, not challenging your muscles at all, and wondering, “why don’t I look like an Instagram fitness model? Those people must be taking steroids!”

So now every month it seems we have a trendy new workout being heavily promoted online for all those who made no headway with trusty and proven Old School. We have circus stunts carried out atop inflated balls, joint-grinding CrossFit moves, twenty year old experts coming out of the woodwork eager to share their months of experience. We have bored Millenials chasing the next trend so they can gloat about how ahead of the wave they are and new boutique gym-studios opening in vacant storefronts that cater to the newest craze and charge a hefty fee for the privilege.

Whatever ones’ choice, the old axiom will always hold true: You’ll get out of it only what you put into it.

New Year's Resolution #2: Understand That Weight Is Just A Number:

The same person can weigh exactly the same, yet have created a completely different body for him or her self, as exampled in these photos. This is why setting an arbitrary “goal weight” is self-defeating. When you diet, unless you strength train you will lose essential muscle along with fat. This is a bad thing because muscle burns fat—so losing muscle means slowing your metabolism which in turn causes people to quickly “gain back” the weight.

This Circus Stunt Is Not A Fitness Exercise.

Screw this idiot: I don’t much care if he kills himself (Darwin’s law usually wins) — but I do care that he’s a danger to all those around him. Clearly the old saying "wisdom comes with age" does not apply in his case.

According to the stupider subset of so-called trainers, this stunt is claimed to build core strength, you know, because the already existing, specifically-targeting on point 50 or 60 core-strengthening exercises simply aren’t good enough.

To position themselves as relevant, younger trainers feel the need to be continually running after the trendy and the “new,” even as ineffective and dangerous as the newest thing might prove to be.