Saturday, August 13, 2016

What Kind of FuckHead Can’t Even Feed Himself?

I grew up in a great big family in which my mother did not teach her daughters to cook. Or iron. Oddly, our mom was a good cook and and even better baker, and back in those days a girl’s #1 priority was to find a husband and have babies, all of whom needed to eat — so go figure.

Anyway, by age 12 I was a self-taught baker because I had a sweet tooth. I also taught myself to cook, because, what could be easier, or more logical, or more essential to life itself? Apparently millions never got the same message I did, since they eat all their meals out, or subsist by thawing something frozen.

This is why so many people are fat. Allowing others to prepare the very stuff of life rather than doing it yourself is stupid on a dozen different levels, from others deciding for you what your portion size will be, to whether they are scratching their rectum while handling your food.

Rather than tell you how to learn to cook — screw the idiots who can’t figure that out on their own — I’ll just remind you how vulnerable you make yourself by not shopping for basic ingredients and tossing them in a skillet: Obesity, e coli, cancer-causing chemicals, insects, bacteria, viruses, vermin, vermin feces, cigarette ashes, strangers’ body fluids, open sores, human hair, product recalls and more. Hungry yet?

Maintaining health means learning to cook and shop for quality ingredients and starting meal prep from scratch. Hamburger Helper, Stove Top Stuffing and similar chemical-filled garbage products do not count as cooking from scratch. Most bodybuilders and athletes in training prepare their own food or have a trusted partner/friend/employee who does it for them under their personal supervision. Allowing strangers to make the very food you need to maintain good health will always come to no good: illness is not a given in life. If you are often sick, there's a good, avoidable reason for that.

I stopped going to restaurants about ten years ago. ALL restaurants. I have had no colds, no flu, no vomiting, no food poisoning, and no headaches since. Before that I suffered all of the above on a regular basis. Also, I was once a waiter in a Los Angeles celebrity (Barbra Streisand, Jon Voigt, Liza Minnelli, Donna Summer - she married one of the waiters -, Tom Jones, Mick Jagger, Paul McCartney) restaurant for three years, and things went on in that kitchen that if widely known could well have shut the place down —  not to mention the staff habitually exiting the bathroom without washing their hands.

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